The Nanner League

September 13th, 2023

Touille Lewis, Staff Writer

After a well deserved week off for a Nanner wedding, the Nanner League is back in action Saturday at the Molineux as the Wolves welcome Liverpool to the West Midlands.

Liverpool is Red hot as they travel to Molineux. They are unbeaten in their last 15 Premier League matches with 10 wins and 5 draws respectively. Their most recent victories include a stunning victory over Newcastle where they were forced to play with 10 men for over an hour and finished the job to secure a win. Playing with 10 men for over an hour to finish a job? Are we talking about a gritty nanner derby or Instagram model Aliza Jane and her night to remember in a hotel room with Devin Booker the Phoenix Suns? All I know is that both situations called for a good long shower when it was all said and done.

Liverpool started the Nanner League season on the right foot, as they played the Villan of the story in their first match of the season, beating up on the Lions 3-0 in a Klopp-sided victory. Alisson collected his first empty peel of the season as Villa was left wondering why they couldn’t ap-peel the decision made by VAR to allow Dominik Szoboszlai’s goal when Salah was clearly offsides. Speaking of a Salah being in the wrong place at the wrong time and living to tell the tale, did you know New York Jets coach Robert Saleh’s brother David was in the World Trade Center on 9/11 and survived? I apologize for that stretch, but I needed to make a transition to the next paragraph. Sorry in advance for all the 9/11 references.

A tragic disaster, a collapsing company, and stunning lack of defense in September? Are we talking about 9/11 or are we talking about the Wolverhampton Wanderers? Since Gary O’Neil was hired 2 days before the season, the Wolves have struggled mightily and just can’t seem to put a full match together. The two pillars that were defensive saviors last season have crumbled and fallen, leaving only the shell of the Dawson/Kilman combo that used to stand so tall on our back line. There are rumors that Wolves ownership is looking to sell the team and the new owners will want to ‘blow the team up’ and start all over again. I can’t wait for that day to come and I can’t help but wonder what sort of buyers have that kind of money….hmmm?

The Wolves have lost 3 of their last 4 Premier League matches including an embarrassing start to their Nanner League season, where they lost to Crystal Palace 3-2 just a few weeks ago. The Wolves defense has been in shambles and they’re hoping bringing in a second Bueno (Santiago Bueno) will help make their defense ‘mas bueno.’

What I know:

• Wolves and Liverpool have played each other 4 times already in 2023, with all 4 of the previous matches happening in a 53 day span at the beginning of the year. Wolves won and drew two of those games, while Liverpool won one game outright and then won another with the help of VAR on what felt like an inside job.
• Wolves have scored just 12 goals in their last 23 league games against Liverpool, with 25% of those strikes coming in last season’s 3-0 home win.
• While we all know of Fabio the famed model who is also a big spokesman for ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter’, Fabio Silva has Wolves fans thinking ‘I can’t believe he’s not better’ after spending  £35,000,000 to purchase the ugly youngster in 2020.
• Hee-Chan Hwang has Wolves fans thinking Hee-Can Hang as he’s been the only bright spot in this Wolves attack in recent fixtures.
• Mo Salah has been linked to the Saudi League which has Saudi fans hoping he comes over. I hear they’re big fans of Mohamed over there in Saudi Arabia.
• Virgil Van Dijk will serve the second of his two match ban on Saturday morning after a heated disagreement with the ref that got him a red card against Newcastle. Speaking of read cards, my wife and I have read through all our wedding cards from this past weekend and we appreciate the love and support the nanners showed. I’ll be putting all our new wedding money on a underdog bet you all should take with me. Bae – I already bet your portion for you.

My prediction: Wolves 2 – LiVARpool 1